A business card from heaven

Here's the thing... when you're trying to get pregnant you spend the ENTIRE month noticing every little thing going on with your body and then you Google it to see if it's a pregnancy symptom. And you know what's weird? A ton of random things can be symptoms of pregnancy. So at the end of the month when you once again get that special little visit you are just baffled at how this could be? You had like 12 symptoms!! One time I had a metal taste in my mouth for a week.. go ahead.. Google it.. You can guess that since I am writing a blog about infertility, that metal mouth must not apply exclusively to being preggers. FYI if you have an infection, you can also get a metal taste in your mouth. My baby turned out to me an infection in my tonsils, cool.  The hardest part about trying to balance getting pregnant with not becoming a crazy woman who spends all her time on the Google machine is that getting pregnant is actually much harder than your dad would like you to know when you're 16 and about to go to prom with a boy two years older than you. Now I know it seems like some people just look at each other and BOOM.. baby, but getting pregnant is a far more intricate and delicate process than I ever realized. Kindal and I got married at 19 and 20 and I took the pill every day with out fail. I had an alarm set on my phone. We were poor and Kindal was not playing around. One time, maybe two months after we got married my alarm went off promptly at 9PM in the car reminding me to take my meds ( totally sounds like I'm geriatric but I feel like saying "the pill" over and over is dull for my readers.. and I'm all about you.) ( Do you like how I called you " my readers", like I write for the New York Times or something?" and I didn't have a sip of anything to drink. You should know I nearly choked to death on a jolly rancher when I was 8 years old. I didn't start taking pills until a month before I got married because they don't make liquid birth control and I am not getting a shot unless it prevents disease. Needless to say, I was not taking a pill with out water, juice... something. Kindal looked at me horrified when I said I'd take it when we got home, maybe a half hour late, if that. " Can you do that?" He questioned. " I don't think you should do that babe. I know... make some spit in your mouth, ya know like slosh around the spit until it makes a lot and then take it. You can't wait. It's 9:00. It's time." I refused and explained my near death candy catastrophe. He didn't care. We stopped at the next exit and got a drink. Sometimes I feel guilty when I look back. I don't think birth control is wrong by any means. I don't think Kindal and I were really ready at 19 and 20. I do wonder though if I should have started trying sooner. I wonder if our desire to just " be married" for a while was the right one. I can't change it, but I do encourage people to start trying sooner rather then later. You may be a fertile Myrtle but you might not be. You won't regret having a child 6 months ahead of your "schedule". Just thoughts in my head that I thought I'd share. Everything you read tells you not to worry until you haven't conceived after trying for 1 year. The first couple of months that seems like a generous amount of time, but as the year marker rolls around you start to really get antsy. It seems like every one is pregnant but you. Seriously... EVERYONE. Snooki jut had a baby ya'll... SNOOKI. You notice every pregnant woman, every baby, every adorable little baby ensemble at Target. You get your hopes up every month and every month you end up crying with a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. ( I would never do that, I work in fitness. I eat apples when I'm sad...) I don't claim to know everything about the Bible, but I know that if you read it you will see that God desires for us to have children. He commands Noah to be fruitful and multiply ( Gen 9:7). He answers Hannah's prayer for a child in Samuel 1:27. In Proverbs 31 where we see the description of a Godly wife he states " her children arise and call her blessed" ( v.28). God parallels his love for us in two ways. 1. As the Bridegroom ( Jesus) and Bride ( Church) and as The Father and his children. God does nothing on a whim. He uses those pictures because he designed those relationships to mean something. It's deeper than a friendship, stronger than the average bond. Most of you would die for your spouse, and for your children.... no questions asked. God connects the dots for us so clearly by helping us identify his love for us with relationships that are the deepest in humanity. Obviously, he loves us more. He created love, he IS love, so his love is deeper. I believe God instilled a desire in me to be a mother. I can't promise you I'll get pregnant. I can't promise you you'll get pregnant... today, tomorrow or ever. The truth is his plan for you may be adoption, it may be waiting for a very long time before you get pregnant, or it may be that this time next month you're messaging me telling me you're pregnant. I don't know, but I do know that God describes children as a blessing and that he gives us the desires of our heart. The desires of your heart should be one in the same if you are a believer and I think it's pretty clear that having children is something God created, desires for us, and blesses us with. Remember that it is a BLESSING, not an entitlement. Remember that your relationship with Jesus is the MOST important thing. Your salvation was and is the ultimate blessing. The most undeserved loving act by any father, ever. You can not let becoming pregnant take over God's throne. It is not your God and it will not complete you. I'm sharing this because it's true and you can not let something that is a God given desire turn into an idol. Don't even begin to think that YOU know how things should play out. Your child may already be on this earth. He or she may yet to be conceived by you or by someone else. You just don't know them... yet.

I titled this blog " A business card from heaven" because something SUPER cool and totally God breathed happened at work yesterday. I was working with a gentlemen on some paper work with one mf my co workers. We weren't really busy and she really didn't need my help but I decided to be a team player and help ( that's just the kind of gal I am ). I asked him for his name and instead of just telling me his name he said "Hold on" and fished out a business card from his wallet. I took it and saw that it said his name and then " Attorney at Law". I don't know why but something pressed me to ask him what kind of law her practiced. He basically had practiced every kind you possibly could. Everything from domestic stuff to straight up trail law. " Oh." I said. "I was looking for an adoption attorney." His eyes lit up. " I do that all the time." He said. We got to chatting and he threw out a few names of some people who could help. I shared my story and about this blog and he just stopped. " You know what?" He said, eyes kind of tearing. " I'm gonna help you. You're a sweet girl and I'm gonna help you. God has blessed me and I can help you. I'm going to help you get a child. I promise. You'll have a child. I promise you." I was stunned. He asked me to e mail him a profile about Kindal and I over the weekend. " Kids are so important and adoption is tricky but we'll make it happen." He said. I teared up and asked if I could hug him. We hugged. I thanked him about a million times. What are the odds? Who hands someone their business card instead of just saying their name? Why did I feel the urge to ask him what kind of law? I deal with lawyers and Dr.'s and specialist all day long. I never ask.... I looked at my friend Abbe after he left and said.. " Next blog post idea... check"

We press on,
LB