Labor Pains

I have been blessed with some pretty fantastic friends. I really do hang out with some of the wisest guys and gals around. I told you that I would share the " behind the name" meaning with you and the truth is that " we press on" came from a text message conversation with a very precious friend. Kindal and I had begun researching adoption agencies, and we thought we had found " the one". We filled out the application and were ready to send in the processing fee... that's when we came across the " total cost section". It was shocking. We had a general idea of what a domestic adoption costs and our general idea was clearly way, way off. We were surprised to learn that this agency expects you to pay for the medical care of the birth mother if she doesn't have insurance pushing the total cost potential to 50,000 dollars. I really do want a child, but at this point, 50k is just not something we can do. Just add it to the "isn't infertility ironic" list? It cost zero dollars to get pregnant for the average person and it costs thousands of dollars to adopt. People desperate for children struggle to find the means while some people who don't even want to be pregnant conceive. I text my friend and asked for prayer and guidance. I was really at a loss. I didn't know where to turn. Finding adoption information is overwhelming, it's expensive and you hear horror stories of birth parents changing their minds and leaving you right where you started, childless and heart broken. God spoke to me in a moment of mental break down. I was throwing a fit ( I do that a lot with him, It's a charming quality of mine) and calling for the end of the world. " This is NEVER going to work. We'll NEVER have the finances, I'll NEVER be a mom!" Dramatic teenage girl extremism at it's best! God painted a picture so vividly in my mind that it became the catalyst for this blog. He showed me a woman in labor. Sweat pouring from her brow, face red, tired, hurting and anxious to meet her child. "This part of the journey is simply your labor pains. You will work, sweat, cry, and anxiously await your child. You can't force it, you can't stop it and you can't avoid it. You must press on daughter, because I have something for you on the other side of it. I have something worth sweating through, worth crying over, worth fighting for and worth all the waiting and suffering through. You MUST press on." In that moment, it became clear, that the challenges Kindal and I face, the road blocks we'll move, the heartache we've endured for two years... they are all just labor pains. You can't stop them, you can't quit and go home, you have to press on to the end, and in the end, they are all forgotten when you hear your child's voice. I shared with my friend that " These are just labor pains. If I was in labor I wouldn't give up. I wouldn't quit, I'd press on." She responded " I'd be there cheering you on then and so I am now. WE press on." And there it is... WE PRESS ON MINISTRY was born. I gave in to God's call to write this, to pour out my heart, to find answers and help for women and men that are looking for them, and maybe even some that weren't looking at all. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to share your experiences. The good the bad and the ugly ( cue western music). I have another sweet friend who is days away from giving birth. She's having a precious little girl and I am so happy for her. I mean that by the way, that's not pageant girl talk, I am genuinely happy for people who are pregnant, I don't hate you because you're knocked up ( be on the look out for that blog post, catchy, right).  She spoke wisdom in my life one night when I told her that I didn't wnt people feeling sorry for me. I didn't want people looking at me with pity like I was " Lucky the three legged dog." Infertility can make you feel so incapable, so " not normal", so unworthy, and when you know people are worried to tell you that they are pregnant, well it just sucks. It steals joy from a joyful situation. Anyway, she simply said " It's not pity. We just want to bear your burdens with you." I love that and it it so very true. You need to share your struggles with someone. You need to let someone bear your burdens with you, it can't be just you and your spouse in this. You need to let someone minister to you. God uses our hurts to foster some amazing ministry opportunities. There is someone in your life who has walked this road before you. They want to minister to someone ( even if they don't know it yet) God has equipped them to do so, don't rob them of that. 

One more wise thought from my incredibly wise friends.... ( seriously, they are the BEST!) I was sulking ( I am so embarrassed when I read these posts and see how much of a little brat I am LOL) because yet another person I knew became pregnant( I said I don't hate you because you're knocked up, I didn't say I wasn't totally jealous!) and I was still striking out. It brought back every memory of loss, the sting of emptiness, the feeling of failure... My friend reminded me that someone elses pregnancy does not take anything away from God's plans for my children. There is not a " pregnancy quota" that once hit, production just shuts down. Someone else receiving that joy does not mean that now, you don't have the opportunity to have it as well.  I know it's incredibly hard to hear " It's all about timing, wait on God's timing, God's timing is perfect" I have been told these things millions of times since we lost the baby and although I know them to be true there were many times when I wanted to scream " Oh so easy for you to say! You have three healthy kids and they came so easily!" or " I think his watch is messed up! I've been waiting forever! This hurts and it's taking way too long!" Real thoughts born from real hurts people. His timing is perfect, there is no question about that. He does not promise that the waiting part is easy. He does not promise that it will be without pain or struggle, but then again, you really shouldn't be thinking about having children if you aren't willing to endure some labor pains.

We press on,
LB


UPCOMING POSTS:
I have several guest bloggers lined up. I have multiple people who are going to share their adoption story and give you first hand accounts of different agencies used and financial options. I will ask them to be very open about costs and payment options

I have a fertility Dr lined up to give tips and possibly to a Q and A with my readers. You'll submit questions via e mail or Facebook and I'll pass them on. She'll answer as many as she has time for and just give some general info on baby makin'

My husband is going to blog about a mans perspective during and after miscarriage and dealing with infertility

I'll write a series of " Say this, not that" tips on how to help people struggling with infertility and loss of a baby. I promise you will relate to this. I'm sure someone has unknowingly hurt you. it will also contain some ways to minister to people as someone who has dealt with this isssue. God is equipping you to minster to people. This blog has changed my life. This sorrow now brings me joy because he is using it for HIS glory!!